by Matt Barr

So wrong, in so many ways

Sometimes, you wonder what country you woke up in. For Andrew Sullivan, that wonder is usually aroused by torture, or evagelicals being President, or criticism of a Lincoln-was-gay theory. I long ago resigned myself to the fact that what I see wrong with the country generally makes people tilt their heads, say "hm," and change the subject. But this is the most abstruse reading of the First Amendment I have ever seen, and the fact it eminated from a life-tenured federal district judge who is not even in California makes me, honestly, despair for the Republic.

A federal judge Thursday ordered a suburban Atlanta school system to remove stickers from its high school biology textbooks that call evolution "a theory, not a fact," saying the disclaimers are an unconstitutional endorsement of religion.

"By denigrating evolution, the school board appears to be endorsing the well-known prevailing alternative theory, creationism or variations thereof, even though the sticker does not specifically reference any alternative theories," U.S. District Judge Clarence Cooper said.

The stickers were put inside the books' front covers by public school officials in Cobb County in 2002. They read: "This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered."

First, in what way does calling evolution a "theory" "denigrate" it? That's what it is. You can't see it happening, you can't replicate its effects in a lab. Its sheer bigness and the deepness of time it takes to work means it will always be a non-provable "theory." The fossil record is too spotty to help and fossilization does not preserve reproductive organs, brains, pulmonary or circulatory systems, or really anything you'd want it to if you could pick ("just keep the skeleton; that's all we'll need!" No.). Does that mean evolution didn't happen? Of course not.

In what way does encouraging students that anything should be "approached with an open mind, studied carefully and critically considered" "denigrate" it? What unbelievable nonsense.

Second, granting, which you might if you're an idiot, "denigration," you proceed to strike something down in the name of the First Amendment because there "appears" to be some "endorsement" of something not "specifically reference[d]" going on?

Third -- you stay right there, Cobb County school board, I'm not finished with you -- evolution is not a theory in any way "regarding the origin of living things." See my previous bloviation upon this subject here. Darwin wrote about the "origin" of "species," of course -- classifications, subsets containing certain characteristics -- how one thing might become another, but not how the first thing got there in the first place.

But for crying out loud, if a school board wants to teach its students that "evolution is a theory ... regarding the origin of living things," even if you think that school board is a bunch of slack-jawed yokels, can you responsibly tell me they've violated the Constitution of the United States?

"While evolution is subject to criticism, particularly with respect to the mechanism by which it occurred, the sticker misleads students regarding the significance and value of evolution in the scientific community," Judge Cooper said, relying on U.S.Const. Am. I, "Congress shall make no law ... misleading students regarding the significance and value of things in the scientific community."

Like I said, I know I get spun up by stuff no one else cares about. But I'm getting sick and tired of people waving the First Amendment around when they worry that someone's feelings are going to get hurt about something. Our rights to govern ourselves are supposed to be guaranteed by the Bill of Rights, they're not supposed to be ammonia judges can use to peel off school boards' stickers they find possibly might appear to be endorsing something and maybe misleading about the significance of something else even though nothing is actually mentioned by name.

I give up.

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