by Matt Barr

Sports calendar

The fungible Steve Rushin has a nonetheless clever column in the latest non-swimsuit Sports Illustrated. He unveils what he calls the Jock Calendar, named after minor league hockey legend Jock Callender. The months and major holidays are:

Montanuary, for Joe Montana (instead of Donjanuary for the PGA winner)

Celebruary, in honor of the Super Bowl, Pebble Beach, the NBA All-Star Game, the Pro Bowl and the Daytona 500. Holidays: Boxing Day (anniversary of Clay beating Liston) and Leap Day, Michael Jordan's birthday

Marchmadness

Augusta, after Augusta National. Holiday: Opening Day

Neigh, nod to the Kentucky Derby. Holiday: Arbour Day (celebrating the Islanders dynasty)

Junho, Portuguese for June, honoring Pelé, who won two World Cups in the month. Holiday: Valentine's Day, during which we're to dress up like Bobby Valentine did in the Mets' dugout after being ejected from a game on June 9, 1999

July, still, honoring not Julius Caesar but Julius Erving and Cesare Maniago. Holiday: Bastille Day, "when Lance Armstrong annually storms some part of France"

Dawgust, celebrating the early days of NFL training camps

March, "which is what bands do at halftime of college football games." Holiday: Flag Day, nod to pennant races

Octoberra, honoring Yogi's 10 World Series won in the month (wearing number 8)

Stovember, as in hot. The holiday on the 24th is Pass-Over, celebrating Doug Flutie's Pass, with the game Over, to beat Miami for Boston College

Dismember, "which is what we'd like to do to the people who created the Bowl Championship Series." Yes, it finishes a little weak. Holidays: the Feast of the Immaculate Reception and the 12 Days of Crisco, "in which fried foods and bowl games are consumed for 288 consecutive hours"

Bereft of holidays, I would mark the last Sunday of Montanuary as Wide Right Sunday, wherein we all reflect on the vagaries of life and fortune. We celebrate by arranging wagons in a circle and drinking Genny Cream Ale to Ralph Wilson (Vernor's if you're on one of the wagons).

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