by Matt Barr

Being normal

John Scalzi's post Being Poor has certainly taken on a life of its own, hasn't it? Now Eric Zorn, not sure Scalzi's post (er, essay) inspired enough class envy, or that acknowledging its merits does enough to establish his empathic bona fides, has weighed in with a Being Privileged riff. (I read my Chicago Tribune for the populism, myself.)

Being a smartass (hey! That's what I should have called this!), I figured I'd write a takeoff post, something like Being Cynical, or Being Languid, or Being Green (which I think someone should still do, it would be a hit). But Zorn and his commenters have unsurprisingly taken considerable liberty with what's "privileged," making "underprivileged" almost unrecognizable in that way class warriors have. Ex.: we have having health insurance, which makes 84 percent of Americans "privileged," and "a refrigerator with more than just ketchup and a packet of soy sauce in it" -- hey, I'd file Chinese takeout under "privileged!" Anyway, it doesn't take much more than a Zorn column to make something already a parody, so I thought I'd re-elevate the discussion a little.

I didn't want to use the word "normal," but "an American family of average means" was too wordy. I hope (but don't expect) no one thinks I'm making some kind of qualitative judgment with that word. The way my family is is no morally better or worse than anyone else based on financial means. That's true both ways, and is sort of my point. So:

Being normal is worrying about how you're going to afford new tires on the car but not whether the world understands your concern.

Being normal is taking the kids ice skating and their loving it so much you take them again the next night at their insistence, because you worry that they don't get enough exercise.

Being normal is not caring if the world knows you think your kids don't get enough exercise.

Being normal is telling your kid that sure, she can see if her friend wants to go to the movie, too, and then telling the girl's parents that no, you don't mind paying.

Being normal is getting TiVo and NFL Sunday Ticket even though you could probably spend that money on more important things.

Being normal is figuring out what card you should put your first night out in months on.

Being normal is thinking about getting a job closer to home because of gas prices but deciding you'd rather stay where you are because you like what you do.

Being normal is having hot dogs and buns on hand for when you make something for dinner the kids don't like but the adults do, like salmon with basil cream sauce.

Being normal is half full cans of pop and half eaten bowls of cereal, which bug you more because you have to clean them up than because they're a waste of money.

Being normal is ill-advisedly bringing home dogs and cats people are giving away or that you met at the pound.

Being normal is refinancing your mortgage because the one you got three years ago was a 3/27 adjustable whose payments were about to spike.

Being normal is grousing about the higher electric bills in the summer but using the central air anyway.

Being normal is not buying complete seasons of the X-Files on DVD because they're too expensive but being all over the cheaper "Mythology" story-arc collections.

Being normal is renewing your subscriptions to two newspapers even though you hardly ever read them because you're not comfortable with the idea of not getting a paper delivered.

Being normal is when going to a Major League ballgame or an NFL football game in town is a real event, and you manage to keep the kids out of the gift shop because the day is costing too much as it is.

Being normal is being excited about a tax cut even though it doesn't amount to that much and even though lots of people think you're selfish.

Being normal is getting bonuses at work which you treat like found money and buy things like new TVs or lawnmowers with.

Being normal is two kids ganging up to complain that their older sister has a TV in her room so why can't they?

Being normal is the oldest kid complaining that her friends have phones in their room so why can't she?

Being normal is paying on student loans long after school and long after you left the field you went to school to get a degree in, but not complaining about it to everybody.

Being normal is celebrating paying off a car for the first time since you last paid cash.

Being normal is underestimating how much the summer camping trip was going to cost so as a result you pay extra on the credit card for a few months.

Being normal is the ten year old telling you his science teacher said in class that in 30 years the polar ice caps might melt and flood everything and not calling the school board to complain, but rather telling the ten year old it's not true and being done with it.

Being normal is going to public school, and sending your kids there.

Being normal is hitting up relatives for PTA fundraisers every year but not buying anything yourself.

Being normal is occasionally having to get the kids up early to do their homework because you forgot to make sure they did it before they went to bed.

Being normal is trying to talk the younger girl into wearing stuff that doesn't fit her older sister any more and her refusing, and you don't make her.

Being normal is voting for the Republican for President because you can't take the Democratic candidate seriously and people either assuming you must be "privileged" or accusing you of "voting against your interest."

Being normal is people surprised to find out you voted for the Democrat for governor.

Being normal is people surprised to find out you're not a Bible-thumping fundie who thinks abortionists should get the death penalty.

Being normal is knowing you're being judged. And not caring.

Being normal is watching your kids make the same mistakes you did, and reminding yourself you turned out ok.

Being normal is knowing winning the Mega Millions would sure come in handy but being grateful for how good you've got it and how comfortable and safe you're able to make your family.

Being normal is being aggravated by people who think they're somehow better than you because they have more empathy for the underprivileged.

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