by Matt Barr

Come on, get happy

Cheering up works of literature with unhappy endings:

Macbeth is much too depressing. In my version the gentle, unassuming and monosyllabic thane settles down at Cawdor, where Lady Macbeth develops a profitable line in soap that leaves the hands spotless. Hamlet finds a shrink, marries Ophelia and goes into insurance. In the revised A Farewell to Arms, Catherine has a fat and healthy baby, and she and Henry establish a successful pacifist ski resort in the Alps.

Godot finally turns up.

This could work with sad songs, too. You could realize at the end of It's Over by Roy Orbison that she wasn't right for you anyway. The subject of George Jones' He Stopped Loving Her Today could be dressed up for a hot date, not his own funeral. The clowns could show up, instead of having to wait till next year.

The girl in the Boomtown Rats' song could get hooked on 24 and have something to look forward to on Mondays. Junior in Cats in the Cradle could take Dad fishing. Nazareth could sing about how Love Farts, and guys would think it was funny. That one 17-year-old girl could get picked, say, third for basketball.

Clay Aiken could sing No More Sad Songs. Or any others!

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