by Matt Barr

714

Barry Bonds has hit more home runs than any left handed batter in baseball history except Babe Ruth. With his next one, he'll have the record. NAH NAH NAH NAH, you say with your hands over your ears, I CAN'T HEAR YOU, NAH NAH NAH. Well, I'm sorry Bonds isn't a nicer and more likeable guy, seein's how baseball history is not in any way riddled with scumbag stars and cheaters like Ty Cobb, Hal Chase, Cap Anson, Gaylord Perry, Norm Cash, Albert Belle, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Randy Johnson, but we'll just have to adjust.

Randy Johnson? you ask. There's nothing illegal about pitching the 5th and 6th innings of a meaningless 9-3 game to be credited under a rule technicality with the win so you can have a 20-win season, but it is scummy. Similarly, and I'm surprised how few people realize this, there was nothing illegal about steroids until last year, either. You can go ahead and keep having your sadness-tinged fond memories of Mark McGwire, but he didn't do anything any more illegal than Bonds did.

His problem is that at those stupid Congressional hearings he declined comment, instead of saying "I did everything I possibly could under the rules to play as well as I could, hit the ball as hard as I could and help my team win." Because gosh, that's embarrassing. I don't know if everybody who gravely nods in agreement that anyone can tell Bonds has been on something because of how big he's gotten is blind or an idiot, but you could tell the same thing (before, after) about McGwire, if you really wanted to. (NAH NAH NAH, I CAN'T HEAR YOU)

Steroids should be banned because fewer than 100 percent of players want to use them. If otherwise good players had to choose not to play baseball rather than negatively impact their health, we as fans would lose out on seeing the best ballplayers. But this nonsense about "artificiality" should just stop. If Bonds, McGwire or Johnson broke a rule, then they cheated. If they didn't, please feel free to discount their achievements, but quit clamoring for asterisks and bans from Cooperstown and public stonings and whatever. As far as we know, and Bonds has only hit 11 home runs since baseball outlawed steroids so it's a safer bet than you think, every last one of Bonds' home runs has been legitimate, by the books, completely legal. He should be subject to whatever hard feelings you want to muster, nothing else.

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